Invisible scars
by FrenchMacaroni
Summary: The damage Kanda received during his fight against Skin Bolic was a lot more serious than he originally thought.


**None of the characters are mine, only the story.**

* * *

They had finally come back. All beaten up and mostly missing clothes, but alive.

Komui had been waiting impatiently, tapping his foot on the ground and wringing his fingers. The science staff and finders were acting pretty much the same way, standing rather uncomfortably and attempting to make small talk. A giant portal appeared in the middle of the room, diffusing a gentle light. Everyone gasped in wonder, and Komui quickly motioned for the science staff to hold up the sign.

"Welcome home!" They all said in unison, smiling, while Komui opened his arms for the one person he loved most in the world. Lenalee took a few tentative steps forward, looking around like everything was a dream, not daring to move anymore. Sensing her hesitation, Allen and Lavi pushed her, nodding their encouragement when she turned to look at them. All shook their head in confirmation save for Kanda, who kept his body turned on the other side, seemingly ignoring everything around him.

Not holding back, she ran and hugged him; people around them cheered in joy and relief.

* * *

"Come on Miranda, turn it off, it's fine now."

"We're safe here, no need to push yourself."

Honestly, Kanda didn't know what she was trying to do by exhausting herself stupidly. And he didn't try to understand; all he knew was that she wanted to spare them the pain of their injuries. How foolish of her, as if she had the power to heal in a permanent fashion. As far as he was concerned, any injuries of his should be healed by now. He didn't know what the others sustained, but they were going to need medical assistance. He noticed the way Lenalee's legs were bandaged up and how Lavi had trouble handling that Noah back in Edo. He started moving away when Marie stopped him short in his tracks.

"Kanda, you can't go, you must be injured." His grip on his arm was gentle.

"What? I'm fine. Who the hell do you think I am?" Kanda looked at his teammate, slightly incredulous that he was treated that way when he should know better.

"Kanda." Marie tightened his grip as a warning to take care of his health. "Don't be this way." His brusque tone didn't deter him; he was more than used to Kanda's ways of communication.

"What the hell, Marie? Let go!" His voice rose with his frustration, but attracted only minor attention. Marie grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him against his chest, ignoring his friend's complaints. As a matter of fact, he was worried for him. Even with his healing powers, he couldn't have come out of the battle untouched. He himself had been fighting giant akumas with his master and still managed to get injured. He feared he was being inconsiderate once again.

"Just wait until they check you out." He whispered to him.

Suddenly, Miranda's Innocence deactivated. She fainted of exhaustion, soon followed by Lenalee, a trail of blood flowing down her forehead. This wasn't too unexpected and caused only mild surprise among the Order resident. What grabbed attention was Kanda brutally going limp in Marie's arms, head tilting back and eyes rolling just before his eyelids closed. He let out a sigh just as he fell back in his teammate's grasp, who instantly tightened his hold.

"Kanda? Kanda, say something!" His frantic attitude instantly grabbed his General's attention, as he lowered him to the ground, securing his head before cautiously setting it down. This was what he secretly apprehended.

"What happened?" Tiedoll and Komui quickly approached the fallen exorcist just as he woke up. He blinked in confusion, eyes roaming around, uncertain.

"The hell?" He said slowly. He suddenly felt weak and lost control of his limbs, his vision swimming before completely blurring into darkness. Looking up from his position, quite a crowd had gathered up and was staring at him in wonder. He didn't like it, being the center of attention; it made him nervous and even self-conscious. Strong arms helped him up, realizing it was Marie.

"Low blood pressure. The stress and exhaustion caught up to you." A voice startled him. Shifting his gaze, a doctor was just done checking his pulse and general condition, flashing a light in his eyes for good measure. "Your heart beat is a bit erratic as well." Kanda heavily leaned on Marie as he fully sat up, already filling himself drift away. He placed a hand on top of Marie's, weakly holding it in an attempt to ground himself to reality; he noticed and squeezed lightly in response, hoping it would be enough. He felt it shaking.

"Fuck" was the only barely whispered warning they got before he fell back into oblivion, head bending back onto Marie's shoulder and exposing his neck. That was where the doctor's attention was brought to. Taking a closer look, he ran his fingers lightly along the angry red marks, his eyes widening when he pulled back.

"He's bleeding, the damage done to his neck reached the jugular veins." The doctor took out a compress and pressed it to Kanda's neck, which was rapidly turning into a mess. The blood soaked through the fabric, and the doctor cursed as he checked the wound once more. Skin stuck to the fabric as he pulled back, blood flowing freely down his chest and onto the ground.

"Shit." He applied more pressure on the wound and turned to look at Komui and General Tiedoll, who were standing just a few steps away, looking anxious. "The skin has nearly torn off and his veins are exposed. This is turning into a severe hemorrhage." More nurses and doctors came and took in the scene, realizing the severity of what they were dealing with.

"It seems like his neck was nearly burned off." He said in disbelief. "Does anyone know how this happened?" He asked, turning to the other exorcists.

"He fought that Noah that was after his General; he had some kind of lightning power." Allen said worriedly. He had a feeling he should have stayed to help out, but the way Kanda chased him and the others away suggested he had it covered. The result was probably not worth the damage. Kanda was one of the most injured one besides Krory; plus, they fought alone.

"How bad is it?" Komui questioned, peering over the doctor's shoulder expectantly. The amount of blood coming out of the wound and the paleness of his face took him aback: surely, he expected exorcists to come back beaten up, but this was extreme. He swallowed audibly.

"Very bad, he needs surgery before the blood loss causes any more damage." The doctor made signs for the nurses to bring the necessary equipment. They strolled down a bed and various monitors; all the while, the Order members looked different degrees of nervousness. Tiedoll and Marie were the worst. Being the closest people to Kanda, they knew something was extremely wrong with his body. Komui thought so too, or perhaps the damage was so great that his body couldn't cope fast enough.

"Load him on the bed and hook him to the monitors. Hurry." Carefully, Marie carried him to the bed while Tiedoll held the compress to his neck. Once in place, the nurses rushed in and wired him to the machines. The rhythmic beating of his heart was now heard by everyone.

"Bring in the scan; there must be more of it." The doctor smeared a transparent product over Kanda's torso and abdomen, bringing up a rolling device over those areas. After a few seconds, the medical staff gasped in horror. "Holy shit."

"This is worse than I thought. Prep him for surgery now!" The doctor hollered his orders in urgency.

"What's wrong?" Komui jumped in before he could get away.

"He has internal bleeding, some of his organs looked like they've been burned to some degree, and most of all his heart has a spasm. That's all I can tell for now." Then he was gone.

"Yuu was that hurt?" Lavi's brow creased in worry, his expression mirroring Allen's.

"He looked fine back on the Ark." Allen said, fingers twitching.

"Must be Miranda's Innocence concealing the injuries but geez, this really looks like crap!"

"Let's just hope he's okay." Tiedoll's tired voice came in, slightly broken by emotions. The man was crying, having taken off his glasses and wiping away the emotional flood his eyes produced. "Let's just hope he is."

The tearful quality of the middle-aged man's voice stirred more than one heart. Even those that least liked the swordsman couldn't help but feel the man's pain. They all knew that the loos of another of his apprentices would probably crush him. Marie just stared off in space, hands fisted over his knees in silent despair. He listened as the medical staff worked on the wounded survivors; he listened to the sobs quietly racking his mater's body.

He tried listening for Kanda, but didn't hear anything.

* * *

"Stop the bleeding for God's sake!"

"We already used three pints of blood, anymore and we will have to stop!"

"His blood pressure is dropping and his temperature is rising to dangerous levels."

"How high?"

"Nearly 42°C." The doctor gave a frustrated sigh as he heard the answer. He removed his bloody hands from inside Kanda and crossed them thoughtfully. The bleeding had been stopped, but there wasn't much he could do about the burned organs. He would need to remove the worst parts and put him on antibiotics and powerful painkillers. The heart spasm was merely caused by the blood loss and internal damage, he later discovered. The problem will solve itself with time and medication.

"What do we do?" A surgeon questioned, noticing his colleague's halted movements.

"Let's stop for now and let him rest."

* * *

Hours after the surgery, the doctor was on his way to make his report. He went to the resting ward where most of the exorcists were taken care of. Silence met him as he entered, several pairs of eyes staring at him expectantly.

"We took care of the most urgent damage. The bleeding was quite tricky to stop as his blood wasn't properly coagulating, and we had to fuel him with more before his heart couldn't function anymore." He stopped for a moment before going on.

"His liver and right lung are severely burned. We treated what we could and set him on powerful medication to help the cell regeneration and pain. There is a risk of infection and heart failure as well; we'll have to keep a close eye on his condition."

Stunned expressions were the only answers he got. They could hardly believe it. When most of them had painful bruises, muscle pains and minor traumas, Kanda had been practically dead on his feet. And no one saw it, not even him. Lavi ran a hand in his messy red hair, turning to look at Bookman's blank stare. Allen simply gazed dejectedly at his sheets, clenching and unclenching his fists in agitation while Marie bowed his head.

"It's not over yet?" He finally asked, quietly.

"No, he'll have to return to surgery. Like I said, there are some risks in the meantime." The doctor answered truthfully, turning to the huge man. "I'm sorry; the only thing we can do is wait until he can undertake the procedure."

The blind man didn't respond, deciding nothing else needed to be said. The doctor flinched inwardly at the man's worried expression; it was subtle but still present. The three Chinese sailor men looked at him uncomfortably.

"Is he gonna be alright?" Chaoji asked tentatively.

"We're doing our best for him."

"But from what you said, it's pretty damn bad." Lavi chimed in with a serious expression despite his bandaged face.

"It is, but we're doing everything in our power to keep him alive." He answered the young Bookman straightforwardly, knowing that he was expecting facts and honesty. He got them, but that didn't help him relax. If anything, he looked even tenser.

"Can we visit him?" Allen questioned seconds later. He didn't really like Kanda because of his negative attitude; however he wasn't cruel enough to wish bad health on him.

"Absolutely not. You are all strictly forbidden to see him." The doctor replied. The firmness of his tone made the younger male flinch.

Seeing as no more questions were asked, the doctor bowed respectfully and left to repeat the exact same words to the female members.

* * *

The surgery didn't go as planned.

The wounds reopened and bled profusely once again. The nurses had been rushing around as the doctor yelled orders and screamed commands at the surgeons in urgency. Eventually, Kanda's heart stopped beating, and he had to perform CPR before shocking him several times.

"Clear." The electric current burst from the device and through Kanda's body, lifting him from the surgical table before releasing hum in a dull thump. The monitor still flat lined. Blood kept pouring from the hastily bandaged neck wound. The doctor cursed before ordering to increase the power.

"Charge. Clear." The monitor gave back a regular heart beat pattern. Not celebrating in the least, the surgeons quickly went back to work. They still had a lot to do.

He was forced to repeat the process three times during the surgery, between gaping and infected wounds. They struggled for hours on end, trying their best to mend the broken pieces.

* * *

His eyelid felt heavy, his body paralyzed and numbed. His mind swam in endless darkness as he tried to wake up.

With difficulty, he came around for the first time in two weeks. Pain took a backseat in his heavily drugged mind, but he was aware of it. He didn't need to look down to know his chest was covered in bandages, nor did he need to turn his head to see the IV hooked to his hand.

His hair was untied and quite messy; his bangs fell over his eyes, sticking in every direction just like the rest of his hair did; which would have been charming if not for the current state of his health. It even lost its natural sheen. Kanda sighed but immediately regretted it. He felt searing hot pain coming from deep within his chest, covering his vision in white as a coughing fit violently took him. It racked his body harshly and awoke other sufferings he hadn't noticed. His neck hurt, his chest hurt as well as his lower abdomen. Turning his head, he felt the distinctive pull of flesh stitched together; arching his back slightly got him to the same conclusion. In his combat mindset, he hadn't realized just how much damage his body took.

Lenalee's words came back to his mind; but he didn't consider them too deeply.

What he did consider however, as his coughing died down, was how long he was to be hospitalized. One thing he hated above all was being inactive and useless. His purpose was to fight, not being able to do so drove him crazy.

"It's been one bumpy ride." Startled, he winced at the pain caused by his movements.

"You came close more than once." The doctor circled his bed and stood in his line of sight.

"But you're fine. For now. We're gonna keep a close eye on you until it's over."

Kanda fixed his eyes on him, listening to every word he said. "How long?"

"You're staying here for a while. That's some pretty horrid shit you got here." He looked at him sternly, successfully conveying the seriousness of his situation.

"I can't, I have to …" He wanted to say something but was harshly cut off.

"Be grateful to have come out in one piece. Now rest." With one last sympathetic look, he left, leaving Kanda to his thoughts. He lapsed into silence, following the doctor with his eyes until he disappeared behind the door. Relaxing his body, he placed a hand over his chest in contemplation. The rhythmic beating of his heart somewhat calmed his mind down.

Kanda didn't want to admit it, but it felt like he had died several times before coming back to life.

"Che."

* * *

**Well well, what do you think? Reviews are appreciated!**


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